Well, this is it. The epitome of the reviews; reviewing life. We'll start with the basics, hmmm? Real Life is an massively multiplayer online sandbox game; an MMOSG if you will [which sounds a bit like a codename for a nuclear weapon]. If you haven't heard of the whole creator fiasco, I envy you. See, there was a new third party developer by the name of "God Studios" who claimed development of the game, but it was revealed that their first and only hit 'Real Life' was actually developed by Valve instead, so God Studios got sued and went out of business. Serves 'em right, the bastards.

Let's get down to the review-y stuff first. Let's talk about the graphics first; Two words sum it up. Orgasm-inducingly amazing. Valve's new engine, called 'PARTICLE', delivers everything it was promised. Everything has depth and is textured down to the smallest pixel! When you go out in sunlight, there's bloom everywhere--it fucking drenches the place like a hooker with a yeast infection. And there's not too much bloom like that god-forsaken game Oblivion, but just enough to add that 'real' effect to everything. It's amazing, it really is, screenshots do not do it justice. Possibly the best aspect of the game is it's graphics, which is odd for a Valve game.

Next, let's talk about sound. Again, fucking stupendous. Every sound is natural and realistic sounding; hell, even different types of containers open with different sounds! Apparently Valve learned from it's mistake in Half Life 2 from not putting in enough sounds, and now it's become putting in every sound in the fucking universe at seven different pitches. And really, I can't say it detracts from the game at all; indeed, it just adds to it, and little touches like the subtle difference between a coffee mug and a slightly bigger coffee mug making different sounds is almost enough to award the game the 'GOTY' award and call it good.

But then we get on to other things. The fun factor is an issue here; sure the graphics vomit detail and every turn and the sound engine fucks your ears with awesome, but is the game fun to PLAY? The answer is both yes and no. See, as an MMOSG, 'Real Life' has an anti-piracy system where every player can only play one life. Which is bullshit, I think...I mean, in ADDITION to Steam. If I get randomly killed by a player for no reason, I can't come back. Which is almost as bad as SecuROM. Satire. But hey, that's not the issue here, since they are releasing the 'Reincarnation' DLC which will allow at least a few more lives. No, the issue here is the laws of the universe; Valve is unusually uptight about the shit in 'Real Life' and doing anything like taking another player's shit unfairly or shitting up another shit shit is shitting on the rules and you'll get shit-smacked for doing that shit. Things like running around randomly beating up people ala Saint's Row 2 don't fly here, and with the 'ONE LIFE' security measure, it makes you really think about what you want to do before you do it. Which is no fun, really, who wants to spend 10 years in-game time stuck in a prison cell for fraud and embezzlement? God damn Enron ruined everything for us.

Which puts me to another point; the players. The players are incredibly varied and lifelike, and no player is the same as another one. This isn't Counter Strike where every player is either a ten-year old kid with autism or the creepy Asian guy at the internet cafe with a score of 51-3. No, the player difference is absolutely staggering, which makes meeting new players and interacting with them a fresh experience every time. Talk about roleplay; every day brings new things--you might make a new enemy or you might meet a player that you share a deep enough connection with to actually marry. If you don't have the antisocial disorder.

Speaking of, let's talk about character creation. Again, fucking amazing, but Valve proves to us that it is possible to have TOO much character creation. Apparently rumors are floating around that BioWare developed the creation-software, which would make total sense, considering that the creation is so in-depth that it takes nine-fucking-months to create your character! Although, what is suspicious is that you don't get to choose what traits you have ala Sims 3, but they are generated for you randomly; so apparently Blizzard also helped with the creation program. Satire.

Those two paragraphs were about the gameplay, which is the meat of the experience. And these next billion will also be about gameplay. You see, the PARTICLE engine delivers amazingly-to be able to pick up something, you gotta have enough strength to do so! And you have to be able to get a firm handhold around it or it'll fall out of your hands! When you throw a baseball, it's arc and speed will be determined by your skill in throwing baseballs and your strength! Absolutely fan-fucking-tastic, it is; imaging D&D 3.5, except as a video game that doesn't lick horse cock and you've got 'Real Life'.

But unfortunately, the rules come in with the force of a 800-pound Mexican wrestler when you play. The first twenty or so years of your life are exciting as fuck [besides that 12-year long tutorial, but it's broken up enough to make it an annoyance rather than a glaring problem.]. This is because players are generally more lenient toward newbies, as it's another life and you only get one. However, once you hit about your mid twenties, the game becomes less of 'let's go cruising for pussy' and more of 'got to get to work to pay the fucking bills', and you will work until your dying day unless you landed the 'super-musician' or 'CEO' qualities.

I'm rambling too much, let's get this done quickly. There is little replay value [none at all] but I have high hopes for the DLC.

Overall, this game gets four starts out of five. Almost game of the year, almost, but beaten only slightly by Mass Effect 2. Great graphics, great sound, mediocre fun factor and gameplay, with a replay value score which I refuse to give.

Graphics: 10/10
Sound: 10/10
Fun factor: 6/10
Gameplay: 7/10
Replay Value: N/A
Overall: 8.5/10

One Word Summary: 'Innovative'